Terence Patrick/CBS Broadcasting, Inc.
Helen Mirren is a subtle savage.
The 72- year-old Winchester starlet challenged James Corden to a “Drop the Mic” rap fight on CBS’ The Late Late Show Tuesday. Mirren followed in the steps of Riz Ahmed, Halle Berry, Cara Delevingne, Dave Franco, Kevin Hart, Anne Hathaway, Jennifer Hudson, Samuel L. Jackson, David Schwimmer and Rebel Wilson, who had actually fought him to differing degrees of success.
“Bow down, James. Bow down,” Mirren informed the host. “Kneel, baby. Kneel!”
“We’re not at home anymore,” Corden jokingly advised his visitor. “I’m the king in this studio.”
Corden spit his verse initially, however Mirren won the preliminary. “I’m the one you should fear / Wherever I go / If I’m a pain in your ass / That leaves a lot of room to grow,” she rapped. “You stand out, but for games and banter / Other shows do comedy, you just pander / You thought you could beat me / Sorry, game over / I’ll cook this beef, his wife and her lover / He’s obsessed with my exes / Sorry, James, I’m not single / But you know I taught your little mister to tingle.”
After Corden informed Mirren she’s no Judi Dench, Maggie Smith or Meryl Streep, she fired back by referencing another TELEVISION host. “I’ve played the queen / But also warriors and witches / Crime lords and wizards, bosses and bitches / Detectives and whores / From Altman to Shakespeare / The only role you ever played is ‘Guy Who Begged to Be Here’ / Poor James Corden will never be satisfied / Until you find a way to get attention deep-fried,” the British star rapped. “But this fight is enjoyable/ I’m grateful that you asked/ It’s the only bit you didn’t discover in Jimmy Fallon‘s garbage.”
For a minute, Corden though he had Mirren beat in the last and 3rd round. “You’re called British royalty/ But plainly you’re not/ Even in Hollywood as a queen/ Meghan Markle took your area/ You appeared in the last Furious and quick without cautioning/ You turned the entire franchise into uninteresting and really sluggish/ It’s a pity in Harry Potter you never ever played an instructor/ And your function in James Bond … Wait, you weren’t because either,” the host rapped. “I’m sorry that I had to be the one to take you down / I just defeated a queen / Someone hand me my crown.”
Mirren’s action: “Off with his head.”
Then, she continued to reclaim her crown: “You f–ked up, James / You desperate tater tot / A woman’s worth isn’t credits or who says she’s hot / Boys club / Bulls–t / I’m done with that crap / You’re welcome for this headline: ‘Helen Mirren Can Rap’ / Compare me to Meryl, Judi, Maggie, but why? / They’re not my competition / They’re my ride or die / See, women are a force to be reckoned with / And I reckon I wrecked you / You’ve been to hell and back, bitch.”
The Late Late Show With James Corden airs weeknights at 12: 35 a.m. on CBS.